Glitchard | Dispatcher & “Manager” - Voice like he’s been smoking USB cables since dial-up.
- Never leaves the dispatch nest.
- Constantly yelling into a headset that isn’t plugged in.
- Thinks he’s running a tight ship. He is not.
- Signature line: “You’re late, you’re lost, and you’re lucky I don’t dock your chips!”
|
The Burned-Out Courier - Talks slow, moves fast. Or vice versa. No one knows.
- Always shows up with the wrong package.
- Somehow got certified to fly a drone. Has never landed it safely.
- Signature line: “I brought…something. Might be for someone…”
| Dongle |
Spammy | Overzealous Hype Courier - Screams deliveries into megaphones.
- Won’t stop shouting customer names and what they ordered.
- Constantly causes chaos during alerts.
- Signature line: “SPECIAL DELIVERY FOR SOME LEGEND NAMED…WOOOOAAAAAH!!”
|
Still Delivering a Package from 2004 - Always lagging. Always late.
- Has a package duct-taped to him from three holidays ago.
- Gets confused by stairs and updates.
- Signature line: “I’m on my way… I think.”
| Buffer |
Patch | Techie & ‘Fixer’ of GHL - Causes more issues than he solves.
- Tries to install firmware mid-flight.
- Sends packages with QR codes that link to nowhere.
- Signature line: “Good news! I optimized your box… it’s now half a box!”
|
